More Changes - Schools Closed

Yesterday was a hard day. The lack of certainty is starting to wear on me. I'm finding myself snapping easily and misreading people. I'm finding myself wanting to sleep more. I'm finding myself wanting to shut down. I don't totally understand why I'm feeling this way. I honestly don't know what to do about it either. I eventually sat in my room and cried for a bit.

The governor announced that schools will be closed for the rest of the year. Honestly, I knew it was coming but to hear the announcement was a blow. It hurts knowing that this year is over. It hurts not being able to close out the year. It hurts to not be able to properly say goodbye to my kids.

At the same time, I don't want to go back. It sounds sane in my head, but writing it out sounds crazy. Why am I scared/worried about this virus? It's so distant, so invisible, yet I know people that are dealing with it on a daily basis. Like, is me sitting at home really doing something to help? Is this really helping to keep the virus at bay? Is it really helping to find a cure? Will any of this really have an impact on what the history books will tell? What will be written about this in the books?

I told Billy about school being closed. I was a little sad when he was happy about it. I don't know why he's happy to not go back to school. Will thinks it's because he's able to spend more time with us. Sometimes I worry that he doesn't like school. I don't need that, the kid is only in 1st grade. I hope that he will be okay for 2nd grade next year. Not being in school since the beginning of March is going to make the beginning of next year hard.

Other general things I'm worried about -

School next year - are we starting as normal, what is this blended learning model everyone is talking about (I know what blended learning is, but how does that play into next year), what do I do with Billy and Alex if we are on staggered starts next year, what am I teaching, am I going to have a job next year, are kids going to take a while to adjust to being back at school, how are MY kids going to do next year, am I doing everything I should be doing to keep Billy on track, should I worry about preschool for Alex

Returning to a new normal is not going to be easy.